Saturday, January 25, 2014

My Epilogue: Life After The Toxic Ex-Friend

Better Late Than Ever!

Hey everyone! What I mean by this title is that I am fully over my toxic ex-friend. As a matter of fact, I have been over her for quite some time.


However...

But while I must feel that way, I must proceed with caution when talking to mutual friends as well as sharing information online. Of course I chitchat with them a little bit, but there is no way that I will allow myself to travel with them in the same vehicle to any party or venue that they invite me to. If I am required to travel with them, my immediate answer will be no.

This is in wake to a situation that occurred in the Philippines. A celebrity entertainer named Vhong Navarro was badly beaten by a group of people after just one person lured him into an apartment. Thus, I must mention that you must make yourself fully aware of the location and the purpose of the party or venue before traveling to it. Also know how to get in and out as quickly and safely as possible.
And if you do meet someone who invites you to go elsewhere with them, DO NOT DO IT!

My Life Now

 I have to admit, after hanging out with this friendship gang, I found myself pursuing a very active college career. Not only am I taking my required subjects, but I am also participating in multiple clubs and organizations. I am also planning to join a sports team!
As for dating, I got into a brief one but the two of us realized that we were too busy for it in the first place. We're good friends now, and I expect to keep it that way. Of course there's the "What if this friend is like my last close friend?" thinking going on in my mind, but to be honest that cannot be the case. I never told this new friend about it, because it causes way too much drama.

People around me are very kind, friendly, and encouraging. I can tell you so many wonderful stories about my college life- despite this only being my second semester!

Oh, and I also befriended another person who looks just like my toxic ex! However, she's a lot more open and kind and very supportive when I need to talk!

Uncertainty Still Exists Though

And my toxic friend? Only saw her once, but that was moments after we passed by. I was too busy thinking to myself about a club activity that I did not even see her face. Don't really care if she saw me or whatever, because she's the past and I intend to keep her that way.

And the rest of the gang? Turns out our closest mutual also angered her and the toxic ex wants nothing to do with her. To be honest, if I did see that close friend I'd probably just say "Hi!" and move on. I am highly unsure whether the stuff the mutual (The one I still see on Facebook) says is true or not. For all I know they can be creeping around the hood planning a surprise attack on me.

 Although there is a possibility that in the future where it may happen, I am not afraid to say "Bring it on!"

And with that, I conclude this blog entry! Hopefully I won't ever have to begin writing the sequel!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

A Mini Essay I Wrote Today:

My Mini Essay On Moving On From Toxic Friends

So I was given a few key words today in a club I'm currently in at college. I was given a few brainstorm words to just materialize an essay, which I immediately thought up a good mini essay on moving on from a toxic friend:

 Learning To Move On

Moving on from a person of a negative influence is not an easy thing to do. Of course you are the one who wants to move on, but sometimes that person makes it difficult. You may find your daily routine interrupted as that person who is just so eager to win you back despite the impossibility of you doing so- just to step in and ruin your newly found fun. There may even be a series of implied arguments from that person, and a mutual friend may defend them as well.

The only way to escape such a situation is to replace those people with new and better friends, leaving the subject of those former friends muted and no longer spoken of again.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

An Update On The Ex

Things Are Getting Better, Although...

I don't want to get into full details of what I am up to in college, but I must tell everyone that things are getting better. So far and luckily, I have not had a single problem arise.

The mutual hasn't been talking to me, but I'm far from concerned with her. Thanks to my psychology class I have learned quite a bit about her position on this toxic ex-friend case. My mutual friend is none other than a negative influence. In other words, she would probably be the one to tell the whole group it's not my toxic ex-friend's fault that I left, but I don't care. Karma will prevail as it always has so I don't even bother with that group anymore. 

As for the "Although..." in this section, it has absolutely nothing to do with my story. To be honest, it has something to do with my advice to you as a survivor of a toxic friendships. I'm not going to turn you away as my problem is apparently not that huge (Although just for this term. I'm not very sure about Spring 2014.) at the moment. It may arise again if something like the minions actually returned to college (thanks to my toxic ex-friend's heavy spending ways while we still hung out).

Nonetheless, whether or not it were to happen I'm pretty much standing my ground. I love myself a lot more than I did when I was with these people, and I can gladly tell you that I have a very active college life. I'm joining a handful of extracurricular activities while in college and love every single moment of it! Moreover, the new and much more important people in my life are aware of these toxic people, so I know for a fact that it will be nearly impossible to try and ruin me now.

Hence the song "Look At Me Now" by Chris Brown.


Conclusion:

Now that that's out of the way I have to admit that I am happy where I am at right now in my life. I know what I truly want to do, and more importantly I love all the people who I currently am with. They have been the biggest help and influence to me so far, and I expect them to remain there for the remainder of my college career.

When my toxic ex-friend did that stuff to me, I have since told myself that I will find people much better than her. I can now gladly say that I have accomplished that. The people I befriended in college mean a whole lot to me, and I indeed hope to continue my college career with them as my friends!

And until next post, see you later!

-Ashley

Friday, October 4, 2013

My New Toxic Ex-Friend Situation 1: Toxic Ex-Friend Secretly Transferred To The Same College As Me!

Sorry for not posting more entries lately!

There's been a lot of things going on lately. Lately, I've been dealing with the following problems:

1. Typical first-semester blues
2. Figuring out what I want to do though I'm an undecided major
3. Still searching for decent college buddies who are actually productive by nature.
4. My toxic ex-friend secretly transferred into the community college where I am attending.

Number 4 leads me to something that I did not realize could be a problem: The mutual friend. Not only is she the same person who told me that my toxic-ex had transferred to the community college where I am currently attending, but she has also seen me on campus!? Excuse my language, but the first thing I said when I found out was "Shit!"

Furthermore, remember when I said that my friends were something like a gang? Well, that mutual friend wants us to reconnect, and there is no way in this world that I ever want that! Therefore I have calculated a few outcomes as it may possibly spread to the other mutuals.

Outcome 1: Remember the movie "Odd Girl Out"? It's the movie where the gang totally alienates their victim and bullies her to where she nearly commits suicide? Though I am not in grade school anymore college does have the potential in the event my toxic ex and the "girls" join a sorority or something.

Outcome 2: I now risk getting stalked on campus not just physically but potentially socially as well. When I was in the gym Monday evening, there was a mutual friend over there that I recognized. She kept staring at me as I did my run on some gym machines. Not only did it freak me out, but I also noticed that she a sort of tracksuit that quite a few students were wearing. So glad I decided not to join the cross-country team!

Outcome 3: System manipulation. My toxic ex-friend's father just has to be a cop! And in the wake of that chase by the capitol building in Washington D.C. today by all those police (Right now one's sure if the woman even had a gun on her or not) it I can only just say wow! Anyway, when I talk about system manipulation I mean my toxic ex probably understands the system and may want to try an intervention where I'm forced to be back with her! Forgive my language but HELL NO!

Outcome 4: Threats. This is very unlikely, but I do know who to call, what to do, and how to get my way out of a potentially dangerous situation.


Lastly...

Due to the nature of the danger I may currently be in at my community college, I will try to help any of you who may be going through what I am currently going through. And although I am now risking my safety with this blog, I want to give you an idea how to arm yourself if this ever happens to you. This should not happen to you at all, and I guarantee you I will tell you whatever may be necessary for you to know!

Stay tuned! More details coming soon!

-Ashley

Friday, August 2, 2013

Extremely Toxic Friends (And Ex-Friends) Part 4: Permanently Losing Extremely Toxic Ex-Friend(s)

Permanently Losing Extremely Toxic Ex-Friend(s)

There are some very sick people in this world. Some are even sick enough to go chasing around people who have already told them to stay away. It's like a disease, and that person is supposedly "addicted" to that person.

That's not healthy, and if your extremely toxic ex or ETE is like this, file a restraining order immediately. As long as they are stalking you it will be very hard for you to move on.

Unfortunately, I cannot write a completely accurate guide to removing these sick individuals, but I can give you some suggestions.

1. Change Your Address

If you go with this suggestion, I have a few things that you must take into consideration:

1. Only tell those important to you that you plan to move.
2. Only tell those important to you your new address.
3. When notifying school or work of this move, privately speak in a securely sealed room with only a non-student office worker or better yet your manager. They should be aware of your stalker.
4. Choose a less likely place for your ETE and their buddies to reside within the next five years.
5. Keep the move offline, and don't ever post your new city online!

For me, I'd try to move to another state. Say you live in the Cleveland, Ohio suburb of North Royalton (I don't live there by the way). If you move some place like Brunswick it is still extremely likely that you may one day come face to face with your ETE.

2. Don't Be Afraid To Change Your Phone Number (All Phones) More Than Once!

The frequency depends really!
 
If someone whom both you and your ETE know and maybe even went to school or whatever with, I'd consider the dangers and watch whom I give my number to.

For an ETE who stalks or was a parasite, I'd say don't give your number to anyone who has ANY connection to the person. If your coworkers or boss had any connection to this person, you should also quit your job and look for a new one.  

You should probably change your number if:

1. The asker gives your number out like a gossiper trashes people out.
2. The asker directly gives your ETE the number and she and several people are harassing you.
3. You get strange calls like something's recording on the background. (Red Alert)
4. Your number is posted online (Double Red Alert)
 

3. Change Your IP Address

 If your ETE is a hacker, you will most definitely need to change your IP address periodically. Remember the guy who started that McAfee antivirus software? He changes his every day!

I don't really know exactly how, but here are a couple of links:



4. Migrate

In other news, join a new crowd. For example if you like pop, check out techno. And you hung out with the socialistas, join the civil activists. You pretty much get the picture.

But consider this list!

1. If your ETE ever shows up, warn your new closest pals (do not broadcast aloud)
2. Consider multiple new groups of people to hang out with.
3. Be open minded and willing to accept anything new that comes your way.
4. Fight your phobias head on. This helps you evolve and grow from the past!

Closing:

Because I'm way past my toxic ex-friend, I really want to get this whole ETF/ETE blogging done and over with. I'm sorry I didn't post this within a week after the previous part, but I've been juggling a lot lately.

This will probably be the last of the how to's in completely removing these types of friends from your life. I cannot guarantee forever, because you will really need to work hard to keep them away.

And with that, I can finally conclude this discussion.

But stay tuned, I have something new up my sleeve coming real soon!

Friday, July 19, 2013

The Friend Toxicity Diagram

The Friend Toxicity Diagram

I thought I'd take a break about covering extremely toxic friends to show you a diagram I made in order to explain my take on friends gone bad. There is more than one route that your toxic friend situation can take.

Therefore in order to make my explanation much easier to understand I came up a simple diagram for you to view as you read what I have to say.

Friend Toxicity Diagram - Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013
Yes, I made it simple, because this is a simple explanation that hopefully you should be able to understand.

Anyway, we as human beings develop differently. Therefore, when two friends break up, each side has their own reaction. There are many factors to this by the way!

You have the environment, what opportunities each side has, and their ease of access to certain amenities. Some may surround themselves with friends and others build up their connections. Next to that, it is their mentality. They may have to win at everything and/or run the show while subduing anyone who protests at this.

That is when they become a toxic friend.

Regular friends gone toxic- Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013
I've already given you the warning signs for them as well as how to properly escape them. So if you follow those hopefully they'll just be a toxic ex-friend.

The Usual Stages Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013


And while I'm at it you must also consider reading how to avoid retaliation. What I'm trying to say is that if you're not careful you can wind up dealing with an extremely toxic ex-friend.

Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013

And then you have the situation where you have an extremely toxic friend. They can be the average Joe one day and the next they'd be off to hang out with their new "crew", or gang, or mafia et cetera.

Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013
If you have something like this going on, they're better off learning about their mistakes on their own. Don't stick around trying to have some reconciliation because chances are they're probably too drunk or high, or too infatuated with their new buddies to notice.

That's one example. However, when you break off from them, you will wind up like this:

Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013
Keep moving forward and don't move back! And especially, be wary of the company you keep. There are friends who won't show their true (and potentially deadly) side.

Extremely Toxic Red Alert. Created by Ashley Shannon
© 2013
You break up with them, and they'll do anything to push you over the edge. Hence the Megan Meier story.

Reason why I say red alert on these type of friends is because you don't know how bad the danger is due to the fact they are not showing their fighting capabilities and anger issues until you choose to leave them. A regular friend turning into an extremely toxic friend means you must completely remove them and any mutual friends from your life- no exceptions!

Closing Statement:

If you get cyberbullied or bullied any time after a breakup from any type of friend (regular, toxic, extremely-toxic), it is very likely that they will never stop this nonsensical behavior! Don't ever fall for their "I want you back" cries after they (and possibly your mutuals) attacked you physically, mentally, and emotionally to the point where you are on your wounded knees feeling like there is no hope.

Therefore, I have a seven-word piece of advice to give you:

Once toxic. Always toxic. Never go back!

Friday, July 12, 2013

Extremely Toxic Friends (And Ex-Friends) Part 3: How To Properly Separate Yourself From An Extremely Toxic Friend

Note: Accuracy Concerns

I thought I'd take a moment to talk about the concern for accuracy, since I promised on my previous post that I would. However, since there is not much about accuracy to discuss I decided to just turn it into a pre-note.

Anyway...

When I began this blog, there were hardly any sites and blogs discussing these toxic friendships. Lately there has been quite a surplus of people posting and talking about signs and types. 

However, there has been no actual posting online discussing on how to escape the most extremely toxic friend (or ETF) types. Indeed they don't happen as much as the usual ones, but there are those types who think they can run your life and get away with it.

And because of that I am now talking about these types of extremely toxic friends.
 

How To Properly Separate Yourself From An Extremely Toxic Friend

To be honest, the warning signs are just as similar to that of the usual toxic friend. However, the extremely toxic friend will show no mercy and abuse you just like that of a domestic violence case. All of it is very much the same physically, mentally, and emotionally.

As for the escape, it is just as similar to that of escaping the usual toxic friend.

Cyber Safety:

I thought I'd jump directly onto this, because this day in age many fights between friends winds up online. Most friend arguments wind up online of course, but very rarely does an extremely toxic friend or extremely toxic ex-friend pose falsely as another person just to butter you up for psychological slaughter.

Checking Facebook and Twitter  et cetera, is very likely to add to your stress. It gets much worse when a friend takes your argument online.

Therefore, my suggestion to you would be to do the following before proceeding with the escape list I linked you to above:

1. Screen-capture any heinous digital activity
2. Disconnect all of your profiles from your extremely toxic friend
3. (Recommended) Clean up and/or deactivate your online profiles, but keep your e-mail address as it is always essential to have one.
4. Watch what you post and share online from now on. No immature pictures or super personal stuff. Keep it professional as if you're sharing this information with your colleagues- even your work boss!

For Those With Gang Leaders, Connection Mongers, and Socially Smart (In other words snobs):

Just thought I'd bump these ones together because they pretty much tie with one another as the most dangerous types of people to hang with. Not to also mention they are the worst cases of toxic friends.

In a way, my toxic ex friend was a gang leader. As a matter of fact, she fell into many of the extremely toxic friend categories, deeming her an extremely toxic friend.

However, I like referring to my extremely toxic friend as my toxic ex, because she pretty much labeled herself that by hurting me the way she did.

Anyway, if your ETF is in these categories please add this list!

1. Find a new jurisdiction or group.
2. Avoid places where you and this ETF hung out.
3. Do not attend events that you know they will be going to.
4. DISCONNECT yourself from DANGEROUS MUTUAL FRIENDS.
5. If connections tend to help the toxic friend and they learn something about you, prepare to make a big run for your life!

For Those With The Personal Parasite and The Competitor:

They're way too under your skin. They're too clingy and they want to dominate your every single move.

So I ultimately have no choice but to tell you the following:

1. Disconnect yourself from them completely.
2. Only go online using private browsing.
3. Keep your personal information in a safe place like in a vault or locked container.
4. Withdraw yourself from the sports team and join a sport they don't play.
5. Join a different group of friends (preferably one they wouldn't be caught dead with- but safe)

For Those Dealing With The Sicko:

Before you go looking for the garbage can or for a barf bag, can I just say the something?

LET'S JUMP STRAIGHT TO THE LIST!

1. Talk to a counselor or psychologist. This is a very serious case.
2. If the ETF is forcing their way to you, fight back!
3. If you have been forced to have *** with them, do not take a bath after but go straight to the emergency room. Most hospitals should have a rape test kit handy.

Closing Thought:

I think all the school systems in the United States should be aware of toxic friendships gone extreme and possibly deadly. While there is an awareness going on about extremely toxic friendships hopefully this could also straighten out the bad eggs!

But I have to say, there are a lot of people going through this every day no matter the age or gender. Students are committing suicide after things like these happen, and that is something that really needs to stop.

Schools shouldn't just let their students rely on just human nature in socialization to get around these problems. There needs to be some safety guidelines like the one's I've explained throughout this entire blog- with some help from a reliable guidance counselor of course!

Anyway, stay tuned! I've got a lot more coming! Same goes for what I tweeted about a couple nights ago!
And if you're on Twitter, feel free to follow me @OfficialAJAugs!

Also, don't forget to subscribe!

See you on the next post!